...one toe over the edge...

I screamed at a man on the phone this morning...he's with the Mayflower moving company. We got a letter in the mail today that just made a rage brew in me. I wish my screaming could have penetrated the heart of the corporate beast like a sword...be felt throughout the whole body...make it quake and question. Instead I was yelling at an outer scale. I don't feel fully sorry for doing it, though I always feel pretty bad for yelling at anyone.

It brought up lots of issues. I'm partly feeling the sting of realizing my own naivete and stupidity regarding the move, and it sucks having to admit it's not all on somebody else. It also just transported me back to those days of summer, when everything was so right for awhile, and then just got dashed into the ground. I guess I've been suppressing a lot of sadness towards what happened with my dad. I just released it all on Jeremy...poor guy. Then I felt the sudden need to blindly write something down here. I don't really need to talk to anyone specifically, I guess I just need to have something concrete come out of me...something I can look at. Things aren't that bad. I love my husband, myself, our life, our cats, friends, family, our house. Sometimes I need to realize it's okay to embrace sadness, and that it doesn't have to be put in a spot where no one can see it.

So...now I'm realizing other people besides me look at this. Uh...hi...please don't think I'm crazy or depressed. I'm normal...yeah...normal... :)